Living my last days in France

T-18 days until my visa expires. I wish I could say that I was beyond thrilled to go home, but with little enthusiasm, I will be heading back to the United States.
Although this experience in France has been quite different than my previous, I have to admit, it was everything I had hoped for and needed - and more.

Starting off a little rough, beaten down, heartbroken and lost, my first months in France were not an easy feat. I questioned my decision to move across the vast ocean, yet again, leaving everything I loved behind. I wondered if my decisions were actually what I wanted or just what I thought I wanted. But I had made my choice, accepted the consequences and had to keep living. There is no reliving the past, so focus on the present and let the future come at will.

Once I finally accepted that I could do nothing about the external things that were affecting my spirit, I tried to let the negativity go and surround myself with positive people and energy. I started my #100HappyDays which helped me appreciate, once again, the little things in life that make me happy, and I began moving to a better place within myself. I still struggle, from time to time, as thoughts of the past pop into my head or questions about my decisions or the future storm over me, but overall this experience has helped shape me back into the person I want to be.

Still as the days tick on... I have yet to buy my plane ticket (1. because it is so damn expensive and I can't afford it and 2. I am secretly prolonging my return as much as possible). This is not to say that I can't wait to see my wonderful family and friends back home, but more so because I am slightly worried I will slip back into the dejected emotional state I was experiencing before.

I should probably get on that ticket thing.

I love my life here, the culture, the language, the leisure, the people. The way of living is much more relaxed without the constant stress or hustle and bustle. It makes me feel more alive. I am worried I will be re-caught in the death-trap of 40+ hour work weeks, little to no vacation time, minimal time for self reflection and the constant "go, go, go," lifestyle. I understand why the French love France, and not just for their work ethics *sarcasm* (this could be an entirely new blog post), but for the mellow and agréable ambiance of their lives of which I have become so accustomed.


It takes being forced to go home to realize my heart isn't ready.

Oeli and I have adapted well here and I was hoping to find a job that would allow us to stay at least another year, but things haven't worked out and we have to carry on. I am not ready to leave, but I know wherever the wind takes us next, there is a great ride ahead. Staying positive, staying hopeful, and staying strong to who I am - with a smile.