When I grow up...
I want to be everything my mom and daddy hoped I would be. I want to be that girl that carries the world on her shoulders, who can blow the clouds away and call for a sunny day. I want the attitude that nothing will bring me down and if I fall, it's not the first and it won't be the last. I want to have a tender heart and a strong mind; live like every moment could be my very last. I want to conquer the world with my smile and my light and lift up the spirits of those around me. I want to learn and grow and fulfill all of my life's goals and dreams and turn the world inside-out. I want to be humble and care for others more than I care for myself. I want to show the world that life is full of possibility and that taking hold of it is in arms reach. I want to explore and adventure into the unknown, dive the depths of the seas and fly as high as the birds. I want to soar across the globe and shine down from every angle a light that reflects on the world around them. I want to be a mentor, a guide, a leader and a friend. I want to be open to new ideas and thoughts, not judge and listen with an easy ear. I want to find within myself something that so many are missing, and share that with all. I want to love.
It will be on this day that I will consider myself grown up. It will be on this day that I may have gained a glimpse of wisdom. Until then.. I am still searching for myself.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Saturday, June 2, 2012
It goes without saying..
Today has been a much better day. Productive. A bit lazy. Relaxing. Anxious.
I need something else to carry me. To carry my mind, my productivity. To relieve my anxiousness.
I need a job. A real job. A job where I can excel. A job that shows everything I have to offer.
My fingers are crossed for the upcoming days, hoping to hear back from a recently applied position.
My list of "to-do's" keep adding up. My list of "have-done's" are adding up. My list of "accomplishments" are dragging at a plateau.
I am a great warrior; a ninja spirit that will fight for my goals. I pray they find me before my spirit plummets and my sword dulls.
I need something else to carry me. To carry my mind, my productivity. To relieve my anxiousness.
I need a job. A real job. A job where I can excel. A job that shows everything I have to offer.
My fingers are crossed for the upcoming days, hoping to hear back from a recently applied position.
My list of "to-do's" keep adding up. My list of "have-done's" are adding up. My list of "accomplishments" are dragging at a plateau.
I am a great warrior; a ninja spirit that will fight for my goals. I pray they find me before my spirit plummets and my sword dulls.
Friday, June 1, 2012
Life's Little Slap in the Face
Have you ever woken up one morning, only to feel that everything that happens that day is going to feel like it's meant to slap you in your face? A small stump of a toe, a door hitting you on the way out, realizing you forgot something you needed for the day, only after you're a couple miles away from the house. A dog barking too much, a simple sentence from someone that strikes you the wrong way, the pen (you swore) had ink yesterday will no longer write today... the train that just has to blow its horn right in front of your house instead of down the road... the computer freezes... you step on something wet in socks.
We normally take things and brush them off our shoulders, we set them aside and hope we never have to come back to them, we kick them to the curb and hope the next person to walk by tramples on it and it's gone forever. But then, there are the days that we just can't escape from them; the days we just can't escape from life's little slap in the face.
These are the days when everything goes wrong and nothing will go right. These are the days that we start to question.. question everything. Why is this happening, what did I do, why me?
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Recently, I've been having these days a lot. I'm starting to doubt everything. What happened to the days when nothing could bring me down? What happened to that part of my life when I was invincible to the world's slap?
How did my mentality change so fast, or was it so gradual that I didn't realize it until now? I start to dwell on the decisions I have made, imagine how things would be if I stepped out on a different branch in my tree of life. How do I venture back to that unimaginable happiness I once experienced. Where am I supposed to be in life, in the world... that allows me to fill this void?
I look into the eyes of my pup where I see this love and compassion that I had shown through my eyes at one point. Are we destined in our lives to cycle like the world? I find myself smiling less and less everyday, waiting for something to lighten my mood and shine into my spirit again. Where that may be... I keep searching.
The power of positive thinking. I have not felt such the opposite in a long time. This is followed by my need to escape, to explore, to see, live and grow; to adventure and experience. I ask myself if this is the cause of my claustrophobia in my present life - my longing to run.
But as my daddy always says: Things could be better... but they could be worse.
Why dwell in despair and longing when I continually overlook so many opportunities on a daily basis?
If only it were as simple as that.
We normally take things and brush them off our shoulders, we set them aside and hope we never have to come back to them, we kick them to the curb and hope the next person to walk by tramples on it and it's gone forever. But then, there are the days that we just can't escape from them; the days we just can't escape from life's little slap in the face.
These are the days when everything goes wrong and nothing will go right. These are the days that we start to question.. question everything. Why is this happening, what did I do, why me?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Recently, I've been having these days a lot. I'm starting to doubt everything. What happened to the days when nothing could bring me down? What happened to that part of my life when I was invincible to the world's slap?
How did my mentality change so fast, or was it so gradual that I didn't realize it until now? I start to dwell on the decisions I have made, imagine how things would be if I stepped out on a different branch in my tree of life. How do I venture back to that unimaginable happiness I once experienced. Where am I supposed to be in life, in the world... that allows me to fill this void?
I look into the eyes of my pup where I see this love and compassion that I had shown through my eyes at one point. Are we destined in our lives to cycle like the world? I find myself smiling less and less everyday, waiting for something to lighten my mood and shine into my spirit again. Where that may be... I keep searching.
The power of positive thinking. I have not felt such the opposite in a long time. This is followed by my need to escape, to explore, to see, live and grow; to adventure and experience. I ask myself if this is the cause of my claustrophobia in my present life - my longing to run.
But as my daddy always says: Things could be better... but they could be worse.
Why dwell in despair and longing when I continually overlook so many opportunities on a daily basis?
If only it were as simple as that.
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