Maybe I'll find it somewhere..

Maybe I'll find what I'm looking for somewhere along the way; this uncertainty, this hope. There is a need to understand myself and where my place in this world lies. I still have no idea who I am or who I want to be.. 

I open my heart, thanking God that he's given me the chance to be where I am today. But what about my past, what about the people I love.. where do I go from here... who am I supposed to be from here.. where does life take me. The most perplex questions of life rest in my heart.. and they are beating and aching and wondering what 'my purpose is.'... and so I wait, to discover this answer of truth. 

The Bay of Bengal

I'm in a different country, but as I stand there in the Bay of Bengal and the waves crash over my feet, I'm taken back to a familiar place. Everything is the same; the sand feels the same under my feet, although with less shells to step on, the waves crash in the same rhythm, maybe a little bigger but with the same beautiful sound; the kids play in the same way, happily, enjoying the water coming to catch them, and apart from the different language that is being spoken all around me and the camel offering rides down the beach, I felt as if I was at home, sitting in the sand, watching the waves hit the shore. It wasn't until the swarms of people coming to ask for a picture with me that I realized I wasn't soaking in the serenity of the Outer Banks or enjoying the busy boardwalk of Virginia Beach. But as the sun went down and the stars came out, I couldn't help to feel as if I was looking at them from the other side of the world, the familiar side. They look the same, only slightly brighter, and shine down as the waves create a harmonious ripple effect that look like someone is playing them like a magical musical instrument. The serene boat ride around the large lake filled with small islands and a short car ride led us to this place. A gem that isn't filled with tourists but flooded with locals who want to enjoy the happiness that comes from a picnic by the glorious crashing waves.

At that moment, I began to reflect on my week and how different it had been from this day. Although it's only been two weeks since I first arrived, it feels like I've been here much longer. I don't notice people staring as much as I walk down the busy city streets or glancing over at me when I'm riding in an auto rickshaw. The food is becoming much more familiar and I have (mostly) learned my way around the city. I now feel a better sense of respect and understanding from the program allowing me to open up to ideas and culture experience. More importantly I'm am taking in the things I can't control and trying to let them go. One step closer to selflessness.At that moment, I began to reflect on my week and how different it had been from this day. Although it's only been two weeks since I first arrived, it feels like I've been here much longer. I don't notice people staring as much as I walk down the busy city streets or glancing over at me when I'm riding in an auto rickshaw. The food is becoming much more familiar and I have (mostly) learned my way around the city. I now feel a better sense of respect and understanding from the program allowing me to open up to ideas and culture experience. More importantly I'm am taking in the things I can't control and trying to let them go. One step closer to selflessness. 

Welcome to India

It's been a week now that I have been in what is known as the Temple City of India (Bhubaneswar). Traveling to a different country, most people have a perceived conception; an idea of what to expect or some sort of stereotype that they have gathered through various pieces of information. I too, had a perceived conception of what India was going to be like. Asking some of the other students who are with me on the CapAsia program what they expected, my answer was similar in the fact that we all have perceptions from movies, but mine derived from Slumdog Millionaire.
Slumdog Millionaire, I have discovered, actually does give a good visual idea of the different levels of social class to expect while here, from the slums (which is not what the residents of these areas call them and it is not what we call them as CapAsia students - they are known as "self-built homes"), to middle class housing, and even beautiful new homes. Although I am not living in Mumbai (the main city Slumdog was filmed) for the next 6 weeks - like I am in Bhubaneswar - it will be interesting to see the difference between the cities and states as I travel through India in the future.
So far, I am in love with India (at least Bhubaneswar). Okay, so it's dirty; there is trash everywhere, stray dogs running around, the road sides are mainly red/brown dirt leaving my feet in a constant tan, there is a constant smog in the air, the driving is (how I see it) an organized chaos, the honking never stops, crossing the road becomes a game of Frogger,  you can only drink filtered or bottled water and people never stop staring. But the food is amazing, the city is well planned, there is always an efficient and easy way to get around (I will explain more of the transportation aspect later), there is a rich history and culture, the people are generally nice and welcoming, I happen to love the puppies running around, the architecture is unique and interesting, the constant array of colors beautify the city and there is a happiness here that is hard to find anywhere, especially back in the States.
Apart from having a difficult time adjusting to living here and traveling with a group, the constant feeling of being babysat and having minimal time for personal exploration and growth, I am learning so much about Bhubaneswar and their culture. I enjoy the constant discovery of new things without trying, the new impressions and changing perceptions.
I know by the end of this trip, I will have something more that I came with; what that will be, I don't know, but it will be worth coming for.

Photos: To live vicariously through me, click here.