Live for Love - I'm a hopeless romantic

I don't know what it is about Love. I'm a hopeless romantic. An idealist. I live for love - and let me clarify - I live not only for love in a romantic way, but love that grows from the soul that shines through to give to the world. Love is rooted in our hearts. It's what drives us. Love for ourselves. Love for others. Love for the world.
This morning I watched two very special videos about Love. Although these two stem from romantic love, they made me cry happy tears. I pray that one day I will fill someone's life with such love like this.

One day I hope I meet someone who would do this for me:
The Best Proposal - Ever.
It's a little long, but worth every second of it - I definitely cried my eyes out.


This is what LOVE truly is:
Love in its deepest form
Ode to love.

Thank you my friends!

I want to say thank you so much to everyone who responded to my last blog post. I had some amazing responses, thoughtful and deep insights, kind words, inspirational and motivational reflections, and of course, those who helped lift me up. I have never felt so understood, lost, inspired, empty, appreciated and blessed all at the same time. Every one of you who took the time to read and/or respond in any way, whether it was to answer the questions I asked or to give me some good advice, I appreciate every one of you.

I would like to say, after three long months of heartbreak and heartache, truly difficult times coming back to France, lots of personal struggles, feeling less than worthy and trying to figure it all out, I have finally been able to accept that IT IS WHAT IT IS.
Although, I still struggle on a daily basis where thoughts consume my mind, the heartache creeps back in, I reflect on "what could have, should have or would have been," I fight for a smile, I search for answers, etc... I can now say that I have started to let go of the things holding me down. I am no longer in constant grief, I find myself smiling more and more each day, I am trying to Rule #32: Enjoy the Little Things, and I am mostly just accepting once more that life comes at you in all directions and no matter which way you take, it's always going to lead you to where you're supposed to be - (although I knew this, it's easier to say than do). I want to thank all of you again for helping push me in the right direction - this direction - toward acceptance and happiness.

Yesterday was the first time I was able to go snowboarding. As you read in a previous post, snowboarding is my escape (my escape from life, reality, my own thoughts, the world). There is nothing like soaring fast down an off-piste trail or through trees in fresh powder, feeling almost as if I'm flying. It was a beautiful, sunny day in the Alps; fresh snow had fallen the previous day, adding the ambiance of winter. Snow coated the trees, the silence rang in the air, apart from the birds singing their sweet, favorite songs. I was lost in happiness for the first time in a long time. Being there with friends, sharing stories and lots of laughs made it such an enjoyable day. Pictures or words cannot describe the feeling or beauty.

7 Laux - Grenoble, France (December 21, 2013)

To finish off an already fulfilling day, I spent the evening with my German and Russian friends (who are both assistants here in France), drinking wine, eating Schnitzel and sharing many more laughs! No better way to end the day. I was also in a food coma from the delicious German food.

The only thing that is still lingering on my mind is the thought of not being with my family and loved ones for the holidays. I miss them, but I will make the best out of Christmas here in Grenoble with friends and then enjoy an exciting trip to Poland! I also just went through so many photos from the past 1-2 years. It's amazing how things can change in the blink of an eye. Cherish what you have while you have it and hold on to the memories that you've made.

Thanks again everyone for giving me encouragement and hope!

Rule #32: Enjoy the little things

If any of you have ever seen Zombieland, it's one of my favorites. I needed to get my mind off things yesterday and what better way than to watch a movie about zombies that actually relates to lessons in life.

Rule #32: Enjoy the little things.

This was the last and probably most important rule he made on his list for survival in the zombie apocalyptic world. We all too easily forget to "enjoy the little things" in life. We're so focused on the massive things that seem to control our lives, when really those are probably the least important.

As you can tell, I'm a complete contradiction of emotions right now; one day happy, the next day beat down. But that's life. This morning, I woke up quite early, my thoughts keeping me from sleeping any longer. I laid in bed for about an hour, thinking about life and then all the things I needed to do today, and telling myself it was too early to get up on a day I didn't have to work. Finally after much effort and a little push from my pup who needed to go for a walk, I got out of bed, put on my running gear and told myself that I'm going to start the day clearing my mind.
After about 30 minutes, Oeli wasn't having it any longer, stopped in the middle of the path and waited for me to turn around to take him in. I complied because he looked at me with those "oh-so-cute" eyes of his and a cocked head, summoning me closer to see his cuteness.

How could you not love this adorable face!?

As I got closer, he turned around and started running in the direction of our apartment and so I followed. I followed all the way until he stopped near this old man with two canes walking down the sidewalk. The old man smiled at me, pointed at Oeli with the most sincere eyes and we began a conversation. The sincerity in his words made me hope that I, too, can make someone's day by a simple smile. Rule #32: enjoy the little things. We bid farewell and I walked all the way home with a smile on my face.

Life throws us curve balls, people hurt us, people love us, we can find joy in the big and little things, we can hate life sometimes; but most importantly, we have to believe in ourselves. That is one thing I am struggling with right now, believing in me. It seems when the world pushes us down so far, it's difficult to find the positive within you. We just have to keep holding on, give our problems to God and let life take its course.

Poem: Reweave the Soul

This is a poem I wrote back at the end of October and I thought I would finally share it. It captivates many of the emotions I've been feeling over the past couple of months. It is titled: Reweave the Soul

Reweave the Soul by Kristi Hall

I'm broken, shattered
Into a million different pieces
Trying to find ways to mend my soul
I'm torn between two worlds of love
Trying to make my heart feel whole

The pain wrenching and tearing and shredding me apart
I can't find my way back home
I'd give anything to have my two worlds collide
In a harmony that tends to my soul

And I've lost myself and love and happiness along the way
I try to redo what I've undone
Is what I lost really lost and forever gone
Or can I remend what I've begun?

I'd take the world at my hands and give it all away
To change the past and choices made
For everything I come to find, I had found where it was laid -
My heart rests waiting and longing for clarity of oppression caused by me.



ALTHOUGH some of these feelings and emotions have minimized, they still linger in my mind and heart and I long for the day that I feel only happiness again.

"Live, because 'Life Goes On'."

After my last blog post (which I have to admit, I didn't think many people would read - I forgot it posts automatically to Facebook) I received some amazing and very kind words from many people. Not only has it helped me see that people do actually care what goes on in someone else's life, but it has really inspired me to look deeper into my life and appreciate myself for who I am. That although I may be in a rough place right now in life (which we all go through at one point or another), the phrase, "life goes on" is something that I have to remember on a daily basis. That I have a lot to offer the world and one day I will find someone who appreciates me for everything I am, with my flaws and all of my traits (positive and negative). That I should never change who I am and when I find the person that matches me best, they will love me for all that I am and want to do in my life, and they will fight for that love no matter the circumstance. My selfish acts will no longer be considered selfish because selfish means, "concerned primarily with one's own interests," but instead those interests will be mutual; and as long as I'm always willing to compromise but never give up my dreams, happiness will flow through me. I also have to remember that I am able to find happiness within myself and that is the primary goal.
Although it is still hard to accept this, still being in love with someone who is no longer in love with me, I am trying to take life day by day and not let it control me or my happiness.
Even in all of the negative situations I've got myself into this time, I have to remember that I still have many things to be thankful for and that life is a roller coaster and I need to enjoy the ride (through the fun, exciting, heart-wrenching and scary parts).

As Christmas gets closer, the days get shorter and the nights get longer and my heart longs more and more to be home with my family and the ones I love. Celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas here with friends has been a great pleasure and brought joy into my life again, but there is nothing like the comfort of having those you love around you for the holiday's. My one Christmas wish would be to go home for Christmas. Unfortunately, airline prices make that nearly impossible on my budget and I will spend Christmas here in Grenoble with my pup before heading off to Poland for a wedding and then New Years 2014.

It's amazing to think how so much changes over the years... how fast the years start to go by as I get older. My mom always told me they would, but we never believe our parents until it happens and we find out they were actually right!

Fun Fact: I made my first homemade carrot cake and it is DELICIOUS!
Thought of the day: It's really too bad teleportation hasn't been invented yet.
Cannot wait for: My first day on the mountain snowboarding!

Staying positive and seeking happiness, day by day.